Out of Chances
by ifihadthegutsto
Summary: Kendall lived on top of everyone's highest pedestal, he had to meet with the ground once in a while.


_This is just a short drabble I wrote for a graphic I made a while back. Wasn't really happy with it at the time, but liking it more now. Hence the posting, haha. Without further ado..._

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><p>Logan shifted uncomfortably under Kendall's gaze, waiting for him to say something, <em>anything<em>. He was close to giving up and walking away, like he hadn't done that a thousand times before. There was so much giving up when it came to Kendall; giving up waiting, giving up hope, _'giving up my heart'_. The thought was bitter, but not unwarranted. When it came to Kendall, there wasn't much Logan wouldn't give up, wouldn't do.

But he'd gotten sick of waiting around a long time ago, and he was getting sick of waiting around now. "Kendall, I have… stuff… things I need to"—

"Why did we stop?"

Logan froze, looking back up to meet Kendall's familiar warm gaze. That look could do a million things. It could give you hope, warm you up, calm you down, make you feel like you're the only person in the whole world. Right then it was conveying a thousand different emotions and thoughts and Logan couldn't make sense of any of it. It worried him because after nine years he'd become rather apt at making sense of Kendall.

"Stop what?"

"You know what I mean."

He did know what Kendall meant. That didn't make it any easier to talk about. In fact, they weren't supposed to.

And that was Kendall's rule, not his.

"We stopped because it wouldn't- _couldn't_ –work"

"And because we weren't ready"

"No, _you_ weren't ready"

The words came a little scathingly. Logan hadn't meant them to sound that way, but he didn't feel it was the wrong way to convey them exactly. Kendall's eyes fell to the floor.

"I was scared"

"So was I, I was terrified". Logan swallowed hard. He remembered that feeling, a fear so large it swallowed him whole. It was scarier than anything he'd ever known, to stand in front of Kendall and tell him all the things he felt, to hand him his heart. To have so much hope. "But I loved you"

"I loved you too, I do love you, you know that"

"Do I?"

"You should." Kendall's eyes were back on Logan again. Logan refused to meet his gaze again, because he knew if he did, he would crumble. He would do anything for Kendall.

Even if that meant ruining himself.

Logan took a deep breath.

"So, why am I here, what did you even wanna say?"

"I'm ready"

Logan's head snapped up so fast you'd think he'd have whiplash.

"What?"

"I said, I'm ready"

Kendall looked at Logan expectantly. What did he expect? For Logan to jump up into his arms and give in just like that? for everything to be _okay_?

No. Maybe three years ago, but not then.

"So?"

Kendall's face turned confused. Clearly that was not the reaction he was expecting, just as Logan thought.

"So, I spent almost three years waiting for you, Kendall. I gave up, I moved on"

Kendall seemed to work that information over for a moment. Logan was growing impatient, irritated. His skin felt too tight, the couch felt lumpy, the air thick. Like the truth was washing over everything, leaving it unkempt, _wrong_.

"So… that's it? You can't just give up, that's not fair" Kendall protested, his tone growing desperate. as it always did when he wasn't winning, when people weren't falling at his feet. He was so used to not trying, the concept of rejection wasn't familiar.

"No, what's not fair is the fact that for nine years I've followed you around like a lost puppy. I've done anything and everything for you, but at every turn you're choosing something over me. We got so close, then _you_ were the one to say no, to cut it off. I accepted it, life went on. Then we ended up here, and you got Jo.

And you loved her, but you never said it. You still told me you loved me, all the time when no one was listening. You know what that did, Kendall? That gave me hope, too much hope. And maybe I'm the idiot for believing you'd ever come around, but you still kept dragging me around with you making me believe it would happen. You were golden to me."

"But It could happen, right now"—

"Really? For how long? Until you get scared again and decide it's not worth it, too risky? No. I'm not putting myself out there again just because it's convenient for you right now."

Logan was surprised to find himself calm, his gaze and tone even. Even if he could feel his heart sinking lower in his chest. There was silence for a few moments.

"I'm sorry" Kendall said quietly, speaking towards the floor. Logan knew he meant it, but it didn't make things any better.

"I have things to do, if you're done"

Kendall nodded slightly, still looking at the floor. He was visibly deflated. Logan couldn't help but feel successful in that. Kendall lived on top of everyone's highest pedestal, he had to meet with the ground once in a while.

Logan pushed up off the couch, and made his way toward the door, leaving Kendall in the same place, staring downward.

There was an extra bite of finality carried in the sound of the door shutting behind Logan.


End file.
